Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Am I Cold Hearted?

It seems that whenever I want to stay at home and lounge something comes up that forces me out of my house? I'm not complaining about today, just want to know why I can never stay home. Today my cousin was jumped by a group of 15 at the train station. Why? No one knows, he's really a quiet kid who I can not imagine bothering anyone. He was with his girlfriend and friend and all of a sudden these kids hit them. He's ok just a little shaken up. I feel bad about it and wish it didn't happen to him, maybe if it happened to another cousin of mine it wouldn't be ok but it would be better because he's not the type to fall and get back up. Anyway the question am I cold hearted entered my mind today after talking to another cousin of mine. I told him what happened and he got upset. I felt weird because when I found out I didn't have this rage that everyone else had. I mean I was concerned, I wanted to comfort him, I tried to get him to smile and laugh, but no rage. I felt like oh well what's done is done what's getting upset going to do about it. Even my ever so passive father was upset.

Whenever things like this happen and I don't react like others I swear I feel like I have no feelings and am some sort of f*cked up individual. I mean if this happened to my child will I get upset or would I act the same way I did with my cousin? I love my cousin with all of my heart but no matter how hard I try I can't get upset about it. I would like to know why people just pick on other people. I mean they didn't even take anything from him so it wasn't like they tried to rob him. They just beat all 3 of them up for nothing. Maybe I would be upset if he had gotten seriously hurt. But he's just bruised up and ok from what I can see, his spirits are just down. Maybe it's because I see the good in everything that I don't get upset. Give me a shitty situation and I can always come up with an "oh well atleast..." Maybe this attitude will allow me to live until a thousand! hehe - unlikely I know but it's always nice to imagine.

Tomorrow I go to my school nursing orientation. I don't want to go, I much rather sleep late but I'm going. Never know when I'll have another chance to go and I can always sleep in on Thursday. Even though I wasn't able to stay home all day I did get a chance to stitch for most of the morning and of course a WIP pic is coming up. I'm going to stitch for some more then fall asleep for tomorrow. I hope I find parking ok because I don't plan on leaving early. Talk to you all later!!!

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